Bored with ordinary hotels? There’s no shortage of wacky and wonderful offbeat hotels, no matter where in the world you may be. Some are luxurious; others are rustic; all are unforgettable.

Doing Time
If you’ve got a hankering for thick stone walls or the knowledge that you’re sleeping in a former prison cell, you’ve got choices in England, Switzerland, and Australia, ranging from very un-prisonlike luxury to more Spartan (and wallet-friendly) digs.

Recycled Rooms
Some innovative hotels and smaller bed and breakfasts have done amazing work to repurpose vehicles or buildings that would otherwise be defunct. For instance, you can stay in a cute tugboat bed and breakfast, a covered wagon, or a train car. Repurposed buildings include a windmill, a lighthouse, a grain silo, a water tower, and even a nuclear bunker. If that’s just too ordinary, you can stay in a section of drainage pipe, a former wine cask, or a floating pod that used to be part of an oil rig. If you’d like a sense of control as part of your hotel stay, there’s a crane out there for you.

Ice, Ice Baby
There’s more than one ice hotel out there, with two of the best known being in Sweden and in Quebec, Canada. In addition to being able to say that you’ve spent the night (snuggled with your honey, we hope!) surrounded by ice, you’ll be blown away by the sheer skill that it took to build these.

In the Treetops
If that treehouse you had as a kid never quite lived up to your wildest dreams, try Safariland Resorts, Ariaua Amazon Towers, or the Wild Canopy Reserve. Not only will you be staying in the treetops, but you’re sure to get great views of some truly interesting wildlife.

In a…What?
If you’ve ever wanted to stay inside a giant dog statue or huge boot, you’re all set.

It’s Art
Want your lodging to walk the fine line between art and life? You can enjoy some very unusual rooms at Propeller Island, stay in a museum, or visit an old opera house for some extra culture along with your stay.

Underground
Find your inner caveperson in Arkansas, Cappadocia (Turkey) or New Mexico.

If that’s not enough, maybe an old mine will do the trick.

Themes
Many hotels cater to the kid in us (or to actual kids) with fun themes. You can pretend that you’re a hobbit. Want to return to the 1950’s or to medieval times? No problem. Can’t get enough of the Beatles? There’s a hotel for you too. You can also find hotels themed around philosophy or famous detectives. At the Madonna Inn or the Fantasyland Hotel, each room has a different theme. Go ahead, pretend you’re in an English manor or an igloo or ancient Rome.

Uncategorizable…
No matter what kind of experience you seek, there’s a hotel or bed and breakfast somewhere for you. Need gothic witchiness? A haunted plantation? Over-the-top ornate décor? Giraffes? Something…else? You got it.

Built Out of What?
Luckily, these hotels built of sand and salt are more stable than they sound! If they’re a little too gritty for you, maybe you’d like to stay in a house of cards. Key cards, that is—this temporary hotel was built by a professional card stacker for Holiday Inn as part of a promotion. (How do you get to be a professional card stacker? Just wondering.)

Underwater
For a little underwater novelty, try the Utter Inn, the Jules Underwater Hotel, or the Poseidon Undersea Resort, opening in 2010. If you’re a little more of a landlubber, there’s a hotel for you too, complete with a waterfall cascading down the front of the building. Need some rotation with your flotation? The Hotel Marmara in Turkey has a place for you.

Geek Out, Inside
Stay at the Hotel Sidi Driss, where part of Star Wars was filmed, or come to the dark side with a visit to this “Death Star”-shaped hotel. More space age lodging awaits, or, alternatively, your own galactic suite. Or, stay down to earth with a magnificent view of the stars at the Astronomer’s Inn.

Ohhhhh….kay
Want to live like a hamster? Now you can.

Take Me There Now, Please.
In the mood for serious relaxation? Try a hotel focused on hot springs, or a luxury villa in Barbados complete with gourmet chef. Ahhhh. Where’s that suitcase?

Amazingly, this list only scratches the surface. We’re sure that somewhere there is a hotel constructed from junked cars, or one inside a former insane asylum or a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex. If you know of more unique hotels, we’d love to hear about them in the comments!

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The last few years, airlines around the globe have tightened the restrictions on what is and is not allowed on board planes. We all know some things just aren’t going to make it, and while we may not understand why nail clippers can’t come on board, it’s a rule and we follow it. And then there are things no one would honestly try to get onto plane. Of course, dishonestly is another matter altogether.

9) Snakes in a Bra

Object: 65 snakes and 7 lizards

Though dogs are trained to sniff out drugs, the advantage you have when trying to smuggle narcotics is that the narcotics probably sit still.  If you have jammed your underwear full of snakes, however, things will not go smoothly.

Security at an airport in Stockholm, Sweden watched a woman continually adjusting her top until they decided to investigate.  As it happens, she had filled her bra with 65 snakes and also managed to find room for 7 lizards under her shirt as well.  Officials claim they noticed “something unusual” about her chest, which is likely very polite, European talk for “her boobs were wriggling.” Source: http://www.snopes.com/critters/gnus/snakebra.asp

Definitely not as appealing as this.

8) Powder Pockets

Object: 6.6 kg of cocaine divided in 160 pockets

Generally speaking it’s not surprising that people try to smuggle drugs onto planes, that’s probably the most common thing anyone tries to get across borders.  Some people probably succeed while others get caught by security and they’re always looking for new and creative ways to trick the dogs.  What is surprising is how some people go about it.

A 65 year old German national on his way from South American to Barcelona got busted with 6.6kg of cocaine on him when he tried to smuggle it in his pants.  Specifically, he had outfitted the butt and thighs of his pants with 160 pockets in which the drugs were stuffed.  Security guards watched him literally waddle through the terminal, his body between the waist and knees looking like it belonged to a body builder, and figured they should stop him.  A drug sniffing dog confirmed that, indeed, he had not spent the last 5 years doing butt crunches and was in fact weighted down with over 12 lbs of drugs. Source: http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/man-tried-smuggle-6-6-kg-cocaine-pants-160-pockets

How else do you think Marc Anthony gets his drugs?

7) Crotch Birds

Object: 2 pigeons

Surprisingly, next to drugs, animal smuggling is one of the biggest draws for people trying to pull one over on airport security.  Some people are just hardcore nature lovers.  Or hard up for cash.  Or maybe it’s just the thrill of live animals jammed in your pants, hard to say.

A 23 year old Australian was stopped coming into the country from Dubai when it was found he had a package of eggs on him, which was a little odd and certainly against the rules.  A further search revealed a money belt around his waist full of seeds.  Likely at this point someone raised an eyebrow and decided to investigate further.  What they found was that, under his pants, he was wearing tights with a pigeon jammed in each leg.  An actual, live pigeon. Source: http://www.newslite.tv/2009/02/03/man-tried-to-smuggle-pigeons-i.html

Actual photo from customs: Look closely…those are two pigeons wrapped in paper!

6) A New Way to Wear Crocs

Object: A baby crocodile

Probably the worst fear of any smuggler is being caught before they even board the plane.  The second worst fear has to be that whatever it is they are smuggling will escape and start wandering aimlessly about the plane.

Unfortunately for a smuggler en route to Cairo, the baby crocodile he had packed in his carry-on was restless and made a break for it.  Passengers panicked as the reptile made his way around the cabin, possibly looking for a tiny bottle of booze, before the crew managed to corner it and keep it safe until they could hand it over to authorities.  Understandably, no one on the plane took ownership and so no one was charged. Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5949738/Crocodile-causes-panic-as-it-wanders-around-plane-in-mid-air.html

Like their shoe counterparts, these babies attract all the wrong attention.

5) Cocaine Cast

Object: Cast made out of cocaine

Some smugglers are really dedicated to what they do and go that extra mile to commit their crimes.  If only everyone in the world was so determined to get their work done, we’d all be better off.  But alas, not everyone has the work ethic to do themselves harm in an effort to succeed.

A Chilean man on his way to Barcelona aroused some suspicion from security personnel who took a keen interest in the cast on his broken leg.  As it turned out, some silly doctor had forgotten to use plaster and actually made the cast out of cocaine instead.  Don’t you hate when that happens?  That in and of itself is mildly interesting and creative, but the fact remains the man actually did have a broken leg, one that officials are fairly certain he broke on purpose, just to have the cocaine cast put on. True love for the game. Source: http://news.uk.msn.com/photos/photos.aspx?cp-documentid=150662125&page=4

Nobody signed it. The sign of a truly heartless drug dealer.

4) Gettin’ Some Head

Object: A real human head

Myrlene Severe apparently thought everything was kosher when she flew into Ft Lauderdale with a head in her luggage.  She had a skull in her bags for use in a voodoo ritual but customs noted it still had organic matter on it and it had not been declared.  She was charged with smuggling a human head, which apparently is a real thing you can be charged with, and that implies this has happened before.

Severe said she had received the head from a man in Haiti and the purpose was to ward off evil spirits as even evil spirits want to avoid people who fly around with heads.  Customs said it posed a health risk (must have been that organic matter) and she was taken into custody on $100,000 bail. Source: http://www.eclectics.org.uk/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=655&POSTNUKESID=8a3d835df18a816daa1ad4725b553080

Heads up!

3) Box o’ Spiders

Object: 1000 tarantulas

If you’re going to risk your own safety to smuggle something, you may as well go all out.  Why smuggle one animal from its natural habitat in your luggage when you have room for a hell of a lot more?

A per shop owner from London, England was stopped in Rio de Janeiro when security ran his bags through the X-Ray machine and noticed that, nestled next to his underwear and souvenirs for mom, he had 1,000 spiders boxed up.

It’s suspected he was either bringing the spiders home to sell in his store or he had some involvement in medicinal poison extraction.  It’s also obvious the man came to Brazil and spent his entire time in the jungle hunting spiders and then jamming them into his bag, a curious way to spend one’s time in Rio, given the fact that, you know, there are like a million beaches there. Source: http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/london-pet-shop-owner-tries-smuggle-1000-spiders-suitcase-2515532.html

Gotta have some serious luggage to pack 1000 of these bad boys.

2) Horse in a Dog Cage

Object: 1 miniature horse and 1 dog cage

When people smuggle animals, by and large they’re not large.  You can fit a squirrel in your pants much more easily than a moose.  Probably.  We assume.  But still, if there’s a demand for a bigger animal, someone’s going to at least give it a try.

Officials discovered something a little odd while taking stock of the cargo on a flight from Germany to Atlanta when it appeared one of the dog cages was a little more crammed than it should be.  The reason being there wasn’t a dog in the cage, but a horse.  Sure, it was a miniature horse, but it’s still a horse.  In a dog cage.

The horse was bound for Guatemala and the owner had apparently thought he could dupe people into thinking it was a dog in the cage, possibly by crossing his fingers and praying very hard that all customs officials and  baggage handlers would be blind. His wishes came half true. The horse was eventually seized and the horse’s owner as well as the airline were to face the full fury of the Department of Agriculture. Source: http://www.cbsatlanta.com/news/14206730/detail.html

Above: Not a dog.

1) Roofied Monkey

Object: 1 drugged up monkey

Everyone loves monkeys, they’re delightful.  Except for when they sling poo or attack or whatever, but for the most part they’re charming and hilarious.  So it’s not hard to understand why people would want one.  But wanting one and getting one are two different things for most of us.

A mother and daughter from Washington figured if people in far away lands can have monkeys then surely they could do and set about a plan to get one.  And this wasn’t just slapdash, they actually planned this thing out with a ridiculous amount of detail.  From actually plotting out (on paper, of course) what they wanted to do and details of monkey experimentation to see how much medication you needed to give a monkey to knock it out long enough to fly it home, they did it all.

Eventually the pair left for Thailand, found themselves a rhesus monkey and apparently slipped it a mickey.  From there, the 28 year old daughter strapped the passed out monkey under her shirt and pretended to be pregnant.  Sp presumably from the time they left their hotel in Bangkok until their flight arrived in Los Angeles, this woman had a passed out monkey under her shirt.

Unfortunately for the pair, security is not always so easily duped and they were apprehended, complete with the convenient mountain of evidence for a conspiracy they had created for themselves as well.  The two were sentenced to 60 days in jail, three years of court supervision and were ordered to pay around $5000 in restitution.  It is unknown in whose shirt the monkey currently lives. Source: http://edition.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/12/09/monkey.smuggling/index.html

My, what a…lovely baby you have.

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We have mapped out some famous vehicles so you can see how their speed matches up. There are a lot of really cool whips to look at!

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We’ve all had the unpleasant experience of fighting back the forces of diarrhea. Take this quiz and see how long you could keep a big stinky one back while on a flight.

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5th graders know their stuff when it comes to astronomy. See if you can remember enough to pass the test!

Hybrids are cool but don’t be fooled into thinking those are the only energy efficient vehicles on the rise. Check out these stylish and innovative vehicles.

23. Koenigsegg Quant

This is a sweedish supercar that is fueled by solar energy and pyrite, which is commonly referred as fool’s gold. Despite the awkward combination, the Quant is the real deal and is slated to have a 300 mile driving range and only require 20 minutes to fully recharge.

http://blog.wired.com/cars/2009/03/quantum-mechani.html

22. Peugeot Shoo

Sleek triangular design and fueled by a solar paneled roof. If you think it looks similar to a boat you are correct. The designers were inspired by the aerodynamics of a modern boat and applied it to this concept.

http://www.devicedaily.com/misc/peugeot-shoo-concept-to-sport-a-solar-panel-roof.html

21. Italdesign Giugiaro Quaranta

The Quaranta blends the best of Italian auto design with the brains of Japanese innovation. Italdesign created the car’s exterior and Toyota contributed the solar electronic assembly. Energy is collected from the roof panels and also the front end of the car.

http://designapplause.com/2008/quaranta-concept/15/

20. Mercedes-Benz Formula Zero

It’s not an S-class, but the Formula Zero turns heads with its radical aesthetics and eco-friendly engines – as in every wheel has its individual engine powered by rechargeable solar batteries.

http://www.devicedaily.com/misc/mercedes-benz-formula-zero-eco-friendly-race-car.html

19. Antro Solo

This futuristic car comes from Hungary and gets 150MPG. The vehicle is powered from both solar and gas-electric power. With enough sunlight the Astro Solo can travel 25 kilometers on solar power alone.

http://www.inhabitat.com/2008/06/24/transportation-tuesday-antro-solo-gets-150mpg/

18. SEAT Brisa

This cool bike-car hybrid is designed to enjoy a leisurely cruise, not perform a cross country road trip. One unique aspect of the SEAT is the fact the solar apparatus is placed beneath the translucent body.

http://archive.cardesignnews.com/features/2001/011231elisava-show/index.html

17. Mindset Six50

Although the Six50 can travel 100KM on a single battery charge it is more attractive because of its low starting price of 31,000 Euros.

http://www.biggerbettergreener.com/dusan/index.php/2008/06/09/six50-%e2%80%93-good-odd-and-electric/

16. Lotus Eco Elise

Finally an eco-friendly car that looks like a real car people would purchase, right? Unfortunately this Elise is not a real solar powered car (it still burns a lot of gas), but the panels do help power the electronic components and the body is made from more sustainable components than normal.

http://www.alternativeconsumer.com/2008/07/31/lotus-eco-elise-smoking-hemp-solar-sportscar/

15. The Eve

You may think Apple has made a solar car when you see The Eve. Beyond it’s cute exterior is an innovative design where the juice is harnessed from a coating on the windshield, not a normal panel. The car’s power is also supplemented from polymers that use the friction from the wheels to generate electricity.

http://www.ecofriend.org/entry/eco-cars-eve-electric-chameleon-powered-by-solar-energy/

14. The Enigma

The Enigma is one of the winners of the Royal College of Art’s Green Concept Car competition and is designed by Paul Howse. It looks fancy as hell but right now it is only a concept and may never be brought into real development.

http://www.wired.com/cars/futuretransport/multimedia/2008/08/gallery_green_concept_cars?slide=1&slideView=11

13. Solar Flyer Motorcycle

Richard Gryzch decided to harness the sun to power his motorcycle. He named it after the Radio Flyer red wagons you probably grew up with. This motorcycle has a 50 mile range and Gryzch says it can go up to 90MPH.

http://www.inhabitat.com/2009/05/12/solar-flyer-diy-solar-motorcycle-tops/

12. Sunseeker

Eric Raymond always wanted to build a solar powered airplane. He struggled at first but ultimately found support in Japan (who would have guessed?) and design help from Sanyo. After many years of development, the Sunseeker crossed the country in 121 flight hours during August 1990.

http://www.solar-flight.com/

11. Solar Impulse

The goal is simple for the designers of the Solar Impulse: Cricumnavigate the Earth. The airplane is pretty close with just enough power to stay in flight with the aid of prevailing winds at high altitudes. There is 2700 square feet of monocrystalline solar cells on the exterior of this one man aircraft. It doesn’t hurt the project is led by Bertrand Piccard, who was the first person who go around the world on a balloon non-stop.

http://www.ecogeek.org/content/view/537/83/

10. Centurion

With the aid of multiple electric motors and an ultralight weight design, the Centurion is able to fly to 100,000 feet and 13 MPH. AeroVironment and NASA teamed up to build this airplane.

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_pasa/is_199703/ai_973274493

9. E-V Sunny Bicycle

According to developer E-V, this is the first all solar bicycle that is powered directly and only from the sun’s rays. Better grab a cool helmet to match.

http://www.therapyproducts.com/products_sunnybike.html

8. Electrobike Pi

$7,500 will net you this innovative bicycle that can travel as fast as 20 MPH and 25 miles per charge. The engine is electronic and is charged via solar power when you purchase additional panels at a whopping $1,800 (it ain’t cheap to go green).

http://www.electrobike.com/index.html

7. XOF1

If you haven’t already heard about it, XOF1 is the world distance record holder for solar cars. It can drive on ice, at night and below freezing temperatures. Starting at the Great Lakes, it required 46 straight days of travel cross country to reach the Arctic Circle, setting a new distance record.

http://www.xof1.com/

6. 2030

The 2030 concept is designed by Mihai Stamati. It seats four and can travel up to 20 MPH. Solar panels charge up two electric engines on this green mobile. While it is no Ferrari, the 2030 looks unique and is perfect for short bursts of travel. Leave it to the French to create the golf cart you always wanted.

http://dvice.com/archives/2008/07/french_future_c.php

5. Solar Wheel Chair

Not all green designs are made for young people. Check out this solar powered wheelchair that is slated to be cheaper than classic electric brethren. The question to ask, though, is what happens at night?

http://inventorspot.com/articles/solar_power_gets_things_rolling__8514

4. Solar Pedal Boat

This is a crazy pedal boat that uses a solar powered engine to make the leg work a bit easier. This is a hybrid alright, but unlike like your Prius, it is a hybrid of human labor and sun power. So you still gotta paddle.

http://www.mj-design.fr/

3. sunRed

The main problem with solar powered motorcycles is lack of surface area for charging panels. Spanish company sunRed finds a solution by creating a motorcycle that has an arc of panels like a shield to charge it while it is parked. Let’s hope the company can increase its travel distance farther than 13 miles.

http://www.sun-red.com/

2. Nuna4

This is the latest solar powered race car developed by Delft University of Technology. It won the 2007 World solar challenge in Australia, and is an upgrade from the previous model, Nuna3 that won in 2005. This thing is light as a feather and can reach 142 km/h.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuna_4

1. Continuum

The winner of the 2008 North American Solar Challenge is this yellow beauty. The University of Michigan developed this speedster and it was the schools’ fifth victory in the challenge. Most cars in this field were hitting the 65 mph speed limit the entire race.

http://solarcar.engin.umich.edu/

The movies make it look easy: Humans landing on new planets and ships moving around the galaxy with ease. Well, reader, it isn’t that easy…like getting along with the in-laws it takes a lot of work and time. We may see the Chicago Cubs finally win a World Series again before we send a man to Neptune. Here is a guide to teach you the basics of traveling to and from planets and stars – and why even NASA has their brains tied in knot over this stuff.

Introduction to Interplanetary Travel

Traveling between planets gets a lot of tough love. It’s cool to theorize and understand (that’s why you are reading this), but some of the time wasteful in execution. There are plenty of botched launches and space travel horror stories out there to turn a proponent into full skeptic. Remember the Beagle 2?

Don’t you wish $68 million was spent elsewhere?

Okay, accidents happen and traveling to another planet is cool – why aren’t we doing anything about it? Well science pundits conflict over how much the human race can benefit from exploring other planets. Lots of ideas seem like pipe dreams out of a pulpy science fiction novel; asteroid mining, harnessing energy from solar panels and space colonization to avoid a catastrophic asteroid impact.

Others believe the observations taken from first hand probes of planets nets our society invaluable information, regardless of its immediate application. Once scientists get past the premise, they are in conflict over sending man to planets or keeping it exclusively robot helmed.

Breaking Down the Theories

All theories regarding interplanetary spaceflight must overcome two primary feats:

1) Adjusting the speed of travel. The planet of take-off is moving at a different speed than the landing planet. This is because planets are not the same distance from the Sun. For any planet further away from the Sun, this requires an increase in speed.

2) In addition all planets further away from the Sun require the shuttle to overcome the force of the Sun’s gravity.

3) Oh yeah, transporting a ship hundreds millions and sometimes billions of miles away without running out of fuel and/or blowing up.

But really…the main problem is managing energy distribution to control the ship’s velocity.

Hohmann Transfers

Walter Hohmann originated this theory of space travel in 1925. The idea isn’t too complex: Launch a ship in an orbit that will meet the destination planet’s orbit at its tangent.

Simple AND easy to draw.

Why This Works Well: Hohmann’s idea is great because it is one of the lowest energy routes between any two orbits. A ship only requires a little thrust to propel it into the destination orbit.

Why This Doesn’t Work Well: You have to wait too long for the planet to catch up. The main flaw with a Hohmann Transfer is the delay between entering orbits. Planets close to the Sun are fine, like Mars, but outer planets require many years for the planet to near the waiting ship and that is too long for many missions. Also, the further the planet from the Sun, the harder it is to accurately produce calculations necessary for travel. Yes, there is a point where even MIT manned computers can produce unreliable readings.

Read more about the Hohmann Transfer: http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Hohmann_transfer_orbit

Can you blame them?

Gravitational Slingshot

This theory, developed in 1959, allows spacecraft to reach those distant planets in shorter time and with less fuel than with a Hohmann Transfer. The ship uses the gravity of nearby planets to alter its path and speed.

Clearly, the velocity can be doubled.

Why This Works Well: We use gravitational slingshots because it saves a lot of fuel, time and expense compared to a Hohmann Transfer. This method has worked well for the Voyager program to slingshot the probes around to the outer Solar System.

Why This Doesn’t Work Well: If planets didn’t orbit then this theory would be perfect but also be useless. That’s the inherent limit to this method of planetary travel. Because planets aren’t always where we need them to be, much of the time a gravitational slingshot is out of the question for travel. The Voyager missions in the 1970′s won’t have the same alignment of planets until the 22nd century. It was a one trick pony. So travel by this method is severely limited to the alignment of the planets and other celestial objects.

Read more about Gravitational Slingshots: http://www.mathpages.com/home/kmath114.htm

No way toothpicks are an adequate metaphor for planetary orbit.

Fuzzy Orbits

Thanks to modern advances in computer technology, we are now capable of calculating the trajectories of lesser gravity fields of astronomical bodies. These are called fuzzy orbits and are even slower than Hohmann transfers but require significantly less energy. They are most useful for transportation of cargo, not research missions.

Difficulties of Sending Man to Other Planets

Whether or not we end up sending man to distant planets is beyond this column, but the feasibility is an interesting discussion nonetheless.

Humans face the problems of life support and survival from radiation. Traveling between planets requires months and years. So the problems of rationing food and maintaining a breathable atmosphere are of concern. Outside the protection of Earth’s magnetosphere lies the Van Allen radiation belt. Here, astronauts are at the mercy of intense cosmic rays which will kill you over time.

James Van Allen – The REAL reason no one wants to travel to another planet.

In addition, spacecrafts are at the mercy of accidents at any time, where many of them are impossible to repair while in space. Even if we decided to send man to another planet there are constraints of accessibility. Only for certain time periods are planets reasonably within reach with regard to resources and even then, the trip back may never be possible in the crew’s lifetime. Apollo 13 is a poor example of the hijinks that can really go down in outer space.

Introduction to Interstellar Space Travel

Ask an astrophysicist about interstellar travel and they may refer you to the science fiction section at your local library. True enough, the idea of traveling between stars is probably further on the academic back burner than reviving the dead. It’s not just because Alpha Centauri, the closest star system, is over 4.23 light years away (25 trillion miles).

Okay, that is the real problem.

The future of mankind? Sid Meier was on a whole lot of drugs when conceiving this game.

Be thankful the geniuses over at NASA still daydream about this type of exploration so there are a few theories on the table.

Initial Difficulties of Interstellar Spaceflight

Every couple of years a bunch of scientists gather in a large room to discuss the nature of interstellar travel. Ideas are thrown around and arguments ensue until everyone kind of agrees that traveling to other stars is dumb and there is no realistic way to power a ship that far into outer space, without help from aliens of course.

Above: Legitimate example of space travel.

Take all the hardships of traveling to another planet and multiply those by five bazillion – that is the problem with interstellar exploration. Since these stars are so far away, a ship has to have enough energy to make it and also survive the ridiculous environment outside our solar system like damaging vacuums, weightlessness, micrometeoroids (try saying that five times fast) and our old friend radiation.

The distance alone is an enormous task to overcome. Right now the Voyager 1 is on its way to the nearest star Proxima Centauri and it won’t be there for another 72,000 years. A couple theories, explained below, have a chance of taking a ship to the nearest star within a century. The current goal by scientists is to obtain ship velocity of 10% of light speed and with that power a craft can make it to the Proxima star within 40 years.

Nuclear Pulse Propulsion

As it turns out, nuclear explosions are more useful than ending world wars, they can propel a ship to nearly 10% of light speed. Small nuclear bombs explode and with the help of a pusher plate, drive the ship forward into space.

Why This Works Well: Nuclear explosions are nothing new for us and every day we are progressing in using them more efficiently, just ask Iran. A nuclear powered ship would have extraordinary specific impulse, space travel lingo for fuel efficiency, and moderate costs for construction.

It’s safe to say Iran just wants to travel to Mars like the rest of us.

Why This Doesn’t Work Well: We aren’t good enough at math yet. Most of the derivatives are still out of our league and current renditions of a nuclear powered ship, Project Orion, were drastically under performing in cruise velocities. Only time will tell if mankind is able to apply the theory into a perfect practice.

Read more about Nuclear Pulse Propulsion: http://www.islandone.org/Propulsion/ProjectOrion.html

Fusion Rockets

The use of fusion reactors can potentially power a ship to 10% of light speed. The ship will be equipped with multiple fusion reactors that burn deuterium, tritium, and other elements you know nothing about.

Why This Works Well: Nuclear fusion for this application is more efficient than nuclear fission and scientists believe to be able to manufacturer such a ship in the next few decades. It helps that we already have a working knowledge of fusion reactors.

Why This Doesn’t Work Well: Fuel for this stuff is heavy. Really heavy. The balance of weight versus power is one thing that may keep this theory on the table. The plausibility of long term travel weakens when you take into consideration the enormous weight of the nuclear infrastructure that is required.

Read more on Fusion Rockets: http://science.howstuffworks.com/fusion-propulsion.htm

Even the Chinese can’t make it any smaller.

Light Sails

This theory is arguably the best, but it is also the most confusing. Imagine taking charged particles from the Sun and using them to propel a ship into space. The ship uses magnetic sails to deflect the particles found in the solar wind from the Sun and create forward thrust. At the meantime, the ship’s engine is being powered by a laser back on Earth.

Why This Works Well: There is no reaction mass on the ship, so the only weight onboard is the cargo. This theory also uses known physics and proven technology. It is also cheaper than nuclear pulse propulsion.

Why This Doesn’t Work Well: The laser beam sent out to power the ship loses its efficiency the further out you go. Charged particles jostle each other and eventually the beam weakens, meaning the ship will lose its juice. Also, using this propulsion method exposes the crew members to 1,000g’s, pressure only one animal on earth can survive – the salamander. And most importantly, once the ship reaches its destination there is no way back because you need another laser to power you home.

Read more on Solar and Light Sails: http://www.solarsails.info

Future astronaut.

Difficulties of Sending Man to the Stars

Unfortunately it even more perplexing to send a man to the nearest star than Mars. Even if we nailed the technology to reach a star within half a century, it takes the same amount to get back home. Barring major advances in life expectancy, a crew would be all dead long before they made it back home.

But say we could live longer. Even that won’t help us right now because most of these theories lack the foresight or resources for a return trip. So right now the best interstellar travel theories are suicide leaps of faith.

“Cool” Ways to Stay Alive on These Long Trips: But what if a person did want to travel on a one way mission and not be dead when they arrived? The most common theory is cryonic preservation like you see in the movies. We are eons away from perfecting that science, so you may want to investigate the idea of shipping out frozen embryos and raising them with educated, friendly robots when they arrive at the destination. Obviously this idea lends it self best to colonizing another planet, but it is pretty ridiculous in and of itself.

Johnny 5…arguably funny robot, definitely bad parent.

Time travel isn’t easy, folks. Most of the stuff you watch and read for entertainment is too quick to marginalize the huge implications that comes along with zipping around the past and future. Here is a guide to help you gain an understanding of what scientists think is possible and why even then most of these theories sound like the result of a night of drugged up debauchery.

Oh it’s Coke alright.

Beginning to Understand the Idea of Time

We commonly refer to time as a measuring device. Using seconds, minutes, hours and other units our society is able to keep track of our lives and monitor the durations of activities. Time has many definitions and connotations (just try asking three people to about it) and this column is most concerned with what scientists call spacetime.

You see the universe has three dimensions of space: backward-forward, left-right, up-down and one dimension of time. The relationship between space and time is defined as the spacetime continuum, and yes that means everything you learned from Back to the Future should not be thrown out just yet. Time and space interact and this is how time travel is theoretically possible.

Spacetime is controlled by the laws of physics so most travel theories are bound by traditional mathematical ideas. Since there are limits to our current laws that means there are limitations to what we believe to be physically possible in the realm of time travel. Of course we can veer off course into the odds and ends of fictional theories, but they hold little relevance to our real world if they are not grounded on how our universe operates.

Bad chick flick idea, even worse way to explain time travel.

Basics of Time Travel According to Physics

Special and general relativity theories technically allow methods of “moving through the continuum.” Reductively speaking, there is a possibility of curves in the spacetime which allow objects to reach their own past. Of course, many of these beliefs require the universe to have physical attributes, which last time we checked it doesn’t have. Beyond that, traveling to the past creates many conflicts of causality and paradox to be explained later. We hope you are getting the gist of things…

As for leaping ahead to the future, modern physics allows the idea of securing yourself at relativistic velocities outside Earth so a year goes by in your world but thousands go by back home. Traveling to the future this method though is not exactly what most people have in mind. It is closer to suspending oneself to speed up time outside without corresponding aging on his or her part.

The future comes at a price.

Here are the most common theories for traveling back in time:

Traveling Faster Than Light

Einstein’s theory of special relativity states time slows as an object approaches the speed of light. So many believe that going faster than light opens the possibility of traveling to the past. Summed up, a signal may move faster than light and be received by an object before it is sent.

What the hell?

What’s Wrong With This: The whole idea of moving faster than light raises a lot of problems. Assuming we can move signals back and forth faster than light disrupts the idea of causality in the spacetime. The easiest example is sending a signal to someone faster than light and they send a reply faster than light back to you, you could receive the reply before you even send the first out – which makes it hard to pinpoint what caused what.

More importantly, the faster an object moves the more its relativistic mass increases until it becomes infinite. And you know how hard it is to move an infinite mass really fast.

Read more on Faster Than Light theories: http://math.ucr.edu/home/baez/physics/Relativity/SpeedOfLight/FTL.html

Ok it’s not that hard.

Black Holes

A black hole is created when a star more than four times the mass of the sun burn up and collapse under their own pressure. The “black hole” is the absence of light because the magnitude of the gravity. At the very bottom is the singularity where everything blows up because black holes don’t follow laws of physics.

Does this look logical?

A special type of black hole called the Kerr hole is where time travel can be possible. In these holes, a large quantity of neutrons prevent the singularity from being formed, making it safe (purely theoretical mind you) to enter. Roy Kerr believes you would exit out of a white hole into, surprise surprise, a parallel universe. How convenient.

We would send cats into these holes of course.

What’s Wrong With This: Kerr may be crazy. We have yet to find a Kerr hole and many physicists admit the laws of physics do not allow the formation of a black hole without a singularity point.

Read more about Black Holes: http://www.space.com/blackholes/

Wormholes

Wormholes are conceivably possible thanks to Einstein’s theory of relativity: Mass curves spacetime. Think of holding a big piece of paper with another person. Place some objects in the middle and see how it sags because of the mass addition. Now imagine below the sheet and parallel is an identical sheet that sags as well until the two meet. The first sheet is the current timeline and the parallel sheet is another timeline or part of the universe.

A deep throat.

Tons of wormhole theories are out there that allow a person to move through the timespace. Some propose a time travel machine to bend the planes of time that allow anyone to go in and out as they please.

What’s Wrong With This: Name the last time you saw a wormhole…thought so. Also, you can’t simply buy a time traveling device off Craigslist. And to produce a wormhole it requires the existence of something with negative energy. That means you need to obtain matter that has energy properties that don’t follow normal energy laws. Lucky for you, scientists believe such matter may be possible in the near future because of certain quantum physics. But isn’t that a paradox in itself? Whatever.

Read more on Wormholes: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=follow-up-what-exactly-is

Cosmic Strings

By now you are probably infuriated because REAL time travel is so speculative, confusing and not hip like what you saw in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Well this next theory is even more ridiculous yet still accepted as a possibility for time travel.

Back in 1991 J. Richard Gott proposed we can travel the rifts of time by utilizing cosmic strings. These aren’t your spaghetti variety, a cosmic string can run the entire length of the universe and because they are under so much pressure they exert an enormous amount of gravity on any nearby object. To top that off, they are tinier than an atom. BUT if we had a spaceship that is able to get two strings close enough together it would generate a curve in the spacetime, akin to a wormhole.

What’s Wrong With This: Like Bigfoot, cosmic strings probably don’t exist. However if they do and we had a ship that could travel far enough in space to find one, Gott admits it would take half the mass-energy of an entire galaxy to bend the timespace enough to go back one Earth year. Real bummer.

Read more on Cosmic Strings: http://www.damtp.cam.ac.uk/user/gr/public/cs_interact.html

The difficulty of finding a cosmic string is clearly evident.

Popular Methods to Travel to the Future

There are two commonly perceived ways to travel into the future. Both, however, are not real ways to move forward, but instead are methods to pass time on Earth in a short manner without significant aging.

Special Relativity Time Dilation

You already understand the closer to the speed of light you travel, the slower time progresses, as in you age slower compared to someone on Earth. By traveling in space at velocity say 50% of light speed a few hours up there could mean years back home.

The perfect vacation to get away from the wife.

What’s Wrong With This: Our technology is nowhere close to moving 50% of light speed, or even 20%. Scientists are struggling to design spacecraft capable of 8-10% and even then those are huge leaps and bounds.

General Relativity Time Dilation

According to the theory of general relativity, an object under immense gravity from a gravity well or black hole will age slower than usual. For example, an individual that sits inside a sphere with the mass of Jupiter will theoretically age four times less than people outside the shell.

No wonder Pokemon age so slowly.

What’s Wrong With This: The feasibility of creating a capsule that exerts so much gravity to be worthwhile is nowhere close to our technological capabilities. Bet you’ve heard that one before.

Read more about Einstein and Relativity: http://www.phys.unsw.edu.au/einsteinlight/

Common Paradoxes Involving Time Travel

Beyond the physical limitations of time travel explained above, there are also drastic philosophical paradoxes that would possibly entail.

Pre-Existance: When Marty McFly traveled back in time before he existed, it worked for the movie but according to a lot of scientists, this is impossible. Many believe going backward in time is limited to adhering to a path starting from an object’s creation. So if you made a machine to leap backwards say through a wormhole, the furthest back you could go is when it was originally built. The object’s existence cannot be moved backward in time.

Above: surefire way to get laid in the 18th century.

Grandfather Paradox: A famous dilemma occurs when a time traveler goes back in time and murders his grandfather before he was born. Everyone argues the plausibility of altering the past and its consequences on the present and future. How about trying to kill yourself when you were an infant?

Read more about Time Travel Paradoxes: http://www.xibalba.demon.co.uk/jbr/chrono.html

Conjectures and Remedies From Fiction

Popular science fiction subscribes to usually two types of outcomes from time travel:

1) There is one single timeline that cannot be changed. Any movement in time is part of the overall scheme of things. A person who went back was ultimately supposed to do so in the first place. Subsequently, a traveler cannot alter anything and at best generate a parallel universe like how many movies depict time travel.

2) The timeline can be changed. This idea builds off the butterfly effect where one little change in the past can product a multitude of consequences, small or monumental. When the timeline is disrupted some authors also allow all inhabitants instantly have new memories from the smallest alteration or be increasingly resistant to change, meaning to alter the future you need a big push like killing someone.

Read more about Time Travel in Fiction: http://www.mjyoung.net/time/index.htm

So What’s the Point?

Yes, time travel is somewhat possible according to our scientific knowledge and [future] technology. But on paper its also crazier than a coked out Nick Nolte. Now you fully understand why it’s a whole lot easier to just sit back and watch Lost for your time travel needs.